As KK and plan our wedding and talk about the future our conversation always drifts to children. Actually, drift isn’t really the right word for it. Whenever I am in a conversation the conversation moves purposefully – wether or not I entered the conversation with purpose.  I’m not much of a wanderer.

So, I want a child and when we talk I inevitably bring up this desire.  Thankfully children were one of the first things we talked about wanting.  Especially the strangeness of having not wanted children only to meet someone and realize that the wanting and not wanting was so clearly tied to the person we would parent with.

I dream daily of a child of our own. One that we dream and hope and pray and ultimately together bring into the world. So when we talk about our future I can’t help but talk about a baby.

As a child I always thought that if I had a child I would adopt.  Pregnancy seemed gross and ugly.  An intentional parasite?  Really?  Who wants it?  It wasn’t until I was 25 or so that I really considered that I might want my own biological offspring.  At that point I started as a married-convinced-I-was-straight-woman to read lesbian ttc and parenting blogs obsessively.  I learned about ICIs and donor sperm and ways to create a baby that didn’t require a husband or even a man in the room.  I watched families grow at a distance all the while cheering them on.  I’m not really sure how it happened, but I think there was a part of me that always knew. Somewhere in my heart of hearts I knew that I would meet KK and my life would transform and this would be my parenting option.

But now that I’m here I can’t help but think about the privilege KK and I have.  We can choose this option, we can take on the medical expense of biological children created as lesbian parents, because of our privilege.  I know that as an academic I should have something more to say about it – and maybe I will in awhile – but right now I’m just stunned by the privilege of a supportive family and good jobs and good health insurance.  In a world of immense inequities I am humbled by what I have that the next woman many not.  I want to share my good fortune, to ask the questions of what responsibilities should come with the privilege of having a family that will host my lesbian wedding and support my partner and I as we start down the path to becoming a family.  What does it mean to be queer, to share in a community where some will struggle in ways that I do not?  Am I responsible for those around me?  Am I responsible for sharing the wealth?  I’m not convinced that anyone but me reads this blog, but if you do please share.

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