Today the ultrasound tech informed me that due to my “overachieving” ovaries there will be no insemination this cycle.  Apparently I respond too well to this ridiculous devil drug and four viable follicles is one too many for the clinic.  Anything over 3 they won’t work with – too much of a risk for high order multiples.

I held things together until we walked out of the clinic.  Once I was in the bathroom – conveniently located just outside the exit- I could begin the great heaving sobs that seem to accompany me everywhere on this journey.  KK believes that it is the hormones that are driving me crazy, but I think that it’s being treated like one of a million herded cattle.  I wonder how many other women have taken these medications that the doctors hand out so lightly?  How many other women have experienced this insane return to teenage hormones that cause me to lash out, and sob and experience the anxiety that I thought I aged out of when I turned 30?  Is it possible that they cycle us through the waiting room so quickly because we might actually get to know one another, share our pain, and stage our own occupation, demanding better care for the thousands of dollars we all spend out of pocket?

On Monday I will call the nurse who works with my doctor to come up with the plan for the next cycle.  I think that I am going to force them to let me try a cycle without c.lomid.  I don’t think that an irregular cycle is something that absolutely must be drugged into submission, and I’d rather pay $50 for a billion OPKs than the $20 for the drug that ruins my world.

Someday I will write about other things that are interesting and important.  I do have a life, really, I do!

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