I’ve been debating what to put here over the past month. It seems like I’ve got a twice a month posting habit and most of those posts are just updates on our attempts to try to get pregnant. When I think about what I enjoy reading, well, my own blog wouldn’t be on the list. The truth is that I am extroverted in person, and that I love to over share when I’m standing face to face with folks, but I have a very difficult time coming up with things I’d like to share in this space. It’s a bit odd since I love to read the blog posts that other people write. I’m clear the the best blogs have a central theme and I’m not sure that my attempts to have a child as a Lesbian are what I want my writing to focus on. Unfortunately for me, that’s my personal focus at the moment so writing anything else seems silly…

In other news, it looks like we only have enough money for one more try. After $8,000 spent attempting to get pregnant I’m really starting to wish that we had just leapt right to IVF – no messing around with expensive procedures that only have a %15-%20 chance of success. I’m not sure if we will give it a go this next cycle or try to get a second opinion before we give it our last shot. I feel like I’m stumbling in the dark. No matter how much information I have it’s just enough of a crapshoot that I feel completely uncertain, unhinged, and unwilling to believe that this might work.

Maybe what’s really going on here is that this has become my lesbian ttc blog and as I stare in the face of the very real possibility that my story is about to become, “what happens when you have to figure out life as a childless couple,” I don’t really know what to write.