This morning I listened to an old “This American Life” podcast on my way to work.  It didn’t take long into the story before my eyes misted up.  I’m not usually a very outwardly emotional person.  Emotions just don’t fit in my notion of what it takes to be successful and competent in life.  It isn’t that I don’t feel sad, unhappy, joyful, or celebratory, I just have a tendency to downplay what I’m feeling.  The fact that small things now raise much larger responses from me is disconcerting to say the least.  The good news is that this, like the occasional urge to throw up when passing a smoker, seems to be something I can control.  What it is teaching me though, is that motherhood is going to change me in some significant ways.  For example, I’ve always been the first to rush headlong at a new adventure, but when a colleague asked if I’d like to go to Uganda with him to do some scouting for a trip we will co-lead in 2013 I instantly knew I was not going to be game for a trip like that this summer and it started to make me worry about our plans for late next year.  I always knew that life was going to be infinitely more joyful once small fry arrives.  It’s interesting to see how it’s going to be infinitely more complicated as well.

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