The second birthing class wasn’t so bad.  Clearly awkward, but the instructor opened two rooms to give the class more space and that seemed to make all the difference in the energy in the room.  Phew!  But, that’s not why I’m writing today.  

I don’t usually ask for prayers, but today I ask that whatever positive karmic energy, prayer, or good thoughts you have head towards the women at Reproducing Genius.  Their Boy Genius was just diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia.  You can find more of their story on their blog, and a link to a paypal donation button if you are so inclined.  If your support can be monetary I’m sure they could use it.

And while you are at it, send up a little prayer for KK and I.  After 4 years of almost continual job searching for full time employment in her field she finally admitted that she is struggling with depression.  Unfortunately, full time jobs in local church ministry are very difficult to find and that difficulty is multiplied if you are queer.  I don’t think I’d be upset about it if this wasn’t something that no-one thought to mention when she entered graduate school.  KK has wanted to be clergy since she was 14, and through out all of her searching she received nothing but positive reinforcement of her “call” from her home congregation, seminary, and family.  So the fact that she has been searching for years in multiple locations with no success is heartbreaking.  

The constant search while working multiple part time jobs has taken at toll on her psyche.  I noticed it a long time ago and asked her to go to therapy.  But her old therapist was too nice to her, and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t painting the real picture anyway.  I’m thrilled that she was able to acknowledge the depression, and find a good therapist to really get to work on the issue.  In the last week she has been working hard to admit to what she just can’t do, and for that I am very thankful.  I’ve taken on most of the daily tasks that keep us going so that she can focus on what she really needs to do.  It’s exhausting, but we are managing.  While she has a meltdown for a few hours a few times a week she is holding up tremendously well.  She is doing an amazing job of keeping up with her jobs – 4 part time positions just to pay the bills – and supporting me every time I wake up at midnight with pregnancy insomnia in the midst of it.  I couldn’t ask for a better partner.  I love this woman more and more each day.  In any case, what she really needs is a good full time job before small fry arrives.  Because she is a trooper, she has applied for 6 full time positions in the last month.  She has heard back from 2 for potential interviews and we are very hopeful.  I think that with continued therapy and one job we will make it, but the prospect of the baby arriving while we are trying to keep her going is very very scary to me.  

I know that there is no hierarchy of heartache.  Each moment of struggle is hard enough without comparing yourself to someone else.  But as I carry this little boy under my heart I know that I cannot comprehend the sorrow of watching your little one suffer.  I can imagine better days for KK.  Days when she will have one job, and we will go on vacation and play at the beach with our son and laugh about how hard it was that one time long ago.  So, I ask for big prayers for BG and his mamas, the kind of big gifts designed to give a family everything they need in their darkest moments and while you are at it a little prayer for us wouldn’t go amiss.