I don’t remember my father having friends.  He and my mother spent a lot of time with couples that they enjoyed, but those friendships were always created by mom’s hard work.  Dad?  He mostly went to work, spent time with us (his children) on the weekends and did what mom asked of him.  I always wondered how he survived.  How could one live with just home and work?   

On Monday KK had breakfast with a good friend.  S is one of those people who KK can start a conversation with and find that hours upon hours have passed.  As she recounted their time together to me the story was punctuated with things she’d told S that had never made it to me.  

Before Zachary’s birth I would’ve guessed that we each knew about %90 of what was going on with the other at any given moment.  Now, I’d guess we are at%50.  So much of our time is spent addressing Z’s daily needs.  We talk about nursing and sleep schedules, daycare and diapers.  There was a day when I didn’t feel like I really needed close friends because I had KK and work that I am passionate about.  Now I am desperate for someone to share the intimate thoughts and goals of my life with and I’m realizing that KK might not be it for the moment.  It’s just too hard to find the time for that kind of conversation.  

The reality is that I need friends.  Girlfriends.  But not a girlfriend that threatens my wife….So there iss also something to this question of friendship that is wrapped up in the fact that our relationship is same sex.  When Simon and I were married I never relied on him for that kind of companionship exclusively.  I always had other female friends.  Somehow that kind of close relationship with another woman now feels like a betrayal.  It’s hard to imagine that I would share things about my life with someone else that my partner does not know…

 

 

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