For awhile I worked in the Women’s Center of a large state school. KK and I were good friends with the program coordinator of the LGBT Center and we got to know the quirky and wonderful students in the LGBT student org. With 17,000+ students I’m sure there were more than 20 queer kids. These were the awkward LGBT students, the ones who needed each other not just because they were queer, but because they lacked some social skills on top of it. We fondly referred to a few of the women (with their knowledge and approval) as baby dykes. At the time I’d only been “out” for a bit over a year and privately I often identified with them. As they learned what a “Gold Star” was, so did I. As they devoured the LGBT literature in the library, so did I. In some ways we grew up together.

Five years later I forget that this is still new to me. I ended up processing some of the content of my last post with KK at 4am this morning when I couldn’t sleep. I’m not sure that it solved my quandary but for a few moments I felt like we were closer than we’ve been in awhile. Sometimes I forget that I’m not KK. This experience hasn’t been my experience for my entire life. In fact, it’s still quite new. I too am still just a baby dyke.

In other news…

Z’s sleep has been very irregular this week – we’ve hit the 4 month growth spurt and he is eating every 2-3 hours at night. The first 2 wake ups last night I managed well, but by 3 am I’d had just enough sleep to feel rested and was unable to go to sleep again. I used to think that I’d be all for sleep training, but now I am not so sure. It seems to me that he is genuinely waking up to eat. He’s not trying to stay awake, or keep us awake. So I’m not sure what sleep training would do that would be of positive benefit at this point. Buhen he is up and eating every 3 hours (and I’m never sleeping for more than 2.5 at a stretch) I am a hot mess. At this point I am just thankful that I haven’t started crying at work! Sheesh…

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It’s hard to be sleepy when you’ve got this kind of energy to deal with during the day!

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