A few of my favorite things:20130618-113242.jpg

My birthday was on Friday.  Knowing the value of a good surprise (and a fancy blue box for this girly girl)  KK bought me a pair of earrings.  I was shocked (to say the least).  She is still the head of the surprise department in our family.  Not to be outdone, Z slept like a champ on the last two trips!  Thank you, family!

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While visiting my bff in Savannah Z took his first trip to the beach.  He thought the ocean was terrifying and the tide pools were awesome.   Smart kid, that one…

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KK and Z at a picnic to celebrate our good friend’s acceptance to Teach for America.  Luckily she is going to be placed in our town so we only have to say goodbye for the 5 weeks she is spending in training…

20130618-113613.jpgAnd on to some content:

KK and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary.  We were married two years ago by a Justice of the Peace in the boardroom in the Hospital my father runs.  It was intimate, moving and perfect.  After the brief ceremony my dad’s secretary snapped this picture of the two of us.  It is one of my favorite pictures of all time.

Two days later we had our big ceremony and party with family and friends (actually it was small…35 people).  We vowed to love each other into the twilight of our lives, ate lobster rolls and played croquet with friends in the sunshine.  It too was a perfect day.

Weddings are lovely.

Marriage is hard.

Also, I’m bad at it.  I’m not bad at being faithful, or at loving.  I do both of those things fairly well.  I’m bad at trust and I stink at letting go.  Over the past year I’ve been a good mom, a pretty awesome provider, an excellent organizer, and a pain in the backside for my wife.  In the midst of KK’s struggles with depression and less than ideal employment situations I’ve been angry, frustrated, blame-y and frequently ugly.  Rather than remembering that what I need in KK is someone who can balance me by reminding me to stop doing (she is excellent at this) I’ve been mad that she wasn’t as uber-over-organized as I am.  I wanted to stop doing, and thought it was her job to pick up the slack.  But that’s not who she is.  Rather than trusting her to take care of the necessary stuff, I picked at all the things she didn’t do.   So, I was crabby.  And whiney.  And sometimes mean.  Not cool, not cool at all.  In turn, she stopped listening much to me (can you blame her?).   This is a two way street and KK is no saint, but I can say with certainly that she is much better at marriage than I.  Considering that we have been working on our communication the whole time I think that what I can honestly say is that marriage is hard work.  Over the last few weeks (under the advisement of our therapist) we have both been working on compassion.  Reminding ourselves that we are in this together, and that neither of us act out of maliciousness.  It sounded silly to me at first, but the more I live into compassion the happier we are.

Teamwork is hard, but having a partner in crime is worth it.  Today, in the day between our anniversaries I am committed to working hard to keep us together for many years to come.  I will continue to be faithful, and loving while I work to let go of “doing” and be a bit more trusting.

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