A story for Caemon and his moms (http://cisforcrocodile.wordpress.com/)


Cameon’s diagnosis came just a few months before I gave birth to my son, Zachary.  As I laid awake, nursing and struggling with insomnia in those early weeks I watched, and listened, and prayed for you through Caemon’s last days.  When Caemon died I too was heartbroken.  My wife and I prayed that you would find peace and loving companionship in the darkest of days.  

While I do not “know” you personally your incredible parenting has always resonated with me.  I began reading your blog long before Caemon was born, before I had even “come out” to myself.  Subconsciously I believe I was preparing myself for what was to come.  And so, you, T and J, were the first elixir.  Your story brought me hope and understanding that my life would still be full of the joy of family even if I wasn’t “straight”.  

A surprise to us in many ways (even when we get to “pick” the gene pool our children are never what we expect) one of the biggest surprises from Zachary has been his wispy blond hair.  I come from a family of mostly dark haired folks, and so did our donor from what information we saw.  Z’s hair is not as light as Caemon’s was – at least not from the photographs – but often Z’s hair triggers a memory of your story – the second elixir.  For me the elixir you brought back was a reminder to treasure all of this.  When Z screams through a diaper change, twisting and turning so that I cannot change him, when he wakes up night after night after night so I do not get enough sleep to function, when my partner works so many nights in a row that I cry out for a break, the elixir shakes my soul and reminds me that even this moment is sacred.  As of now, we are in agreement that we will only have one child.  This sometimes seems risky to me – what would I do if he were gone? How would I live?  In those moments the elixir shakes my soul once again and I am reminded that we only get this now, this moment, this day.  And this moment, this now, this day is a celebration.